I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
