I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
