Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
