Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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