I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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