My friends, they love my intelligence
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
