sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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