Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
