this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
