If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
