It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
