would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
