Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
