so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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