he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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