I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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