Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
