I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
