I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
