She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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