I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
