apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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