I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
No subtext here. People are naked.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
