where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
