like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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