you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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