Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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