so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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