i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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