And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
