i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
