; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
