I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
