Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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