I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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