I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
