There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
