Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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