i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
