There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
