that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
