when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
