Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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