I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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