so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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