You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
