so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
