Can i not drive my cunt home
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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