BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
