both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
